Two and a Half Men

Mark Seen

Pilot Sep 23, 2003 After Charlie's night with a girl is ruined due to Alan's interruption, Alan moves in, being kicked out of his house by his "suffocated" wife: Judith. The next day Alan brings over his son, Jake while he and Judith can talk about their marriage. While eating, Alan finds out that Judith is a lesbian therefore their relationship ends. Charlie takes to Jake, and begins to take him shopping to meet girls and lets him play at his poker games. Upset, Alan moves in with their mother, Evelyn, taking Jake with him. Charlie now feels surprisingly empty and invites Alan and Jake to move back in, convincing Alan that all their problems in life are because of their controlling mother and that Jake would only end up being just as messed up in later life.

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Big Flappy Bastards Sep 30, 2003 While spending time with Jake, Charlie finds it hard to enforce rules that Alan has set out for him. It gets to the point were Jake lures a flock of sea gulls into his room, and Charlie gets very upset. This prompts Jake to try and get Charlie to forgive him. Alan starts doing chores for Judith, in the hopes of them getting back together. During one of the tasks, Judith kisses Alan, leading him to believe that things will get back to the way they once were.

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Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell Oct 7, 2003 After spending a day at Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to his mothers' house, to have her take care of him. This sends Alan into a state of misery, as he realizes he's losing his wife, and son. Charlie suggests that they go drinking, and Alan agrees. After drinking the boys take a cab home, but at one point they end up at their mothers, where they try to tell her what they think of her, but fail in getting the point across.

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If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap Oct 14, 2003 Charlie is very unhappy with his housekeepers' decision to quit, after she experiences Alan's demanding ways. Alan then offers to take on the role of housekeeper, but this situation doesn't work at all. So Alan decides to get the housekeeper to come back. Before Alan leaves, he puts Charlie in charge of getting Jake ready for a dinner with his mother and grandparents. Charlie also tries to get Rose to move on, and date other men. He finds both situations to be bigger challenges then he first thought.

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The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump Oct 21, 2003 After spending a night in Las Vegas, Charlie decides to live up to his promise that he made to Jake about attending his soccer game. During the game, Charlie sets up a play-date with an unattached mother named Kate, and they hit it off. During one of their dates, Charlie seems like he's ready for a serious relation. Alan sets up a meeting with Gloria (one of the soccer moms) to write a soccer newsletter, but Gloria has other intentions for the evening, and he has no idea. During the evening another soccer mom, Brooke, tries to move in on Gloria's plans.

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Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? Oct 28, 2003 Charlie tries to teach Jake to avoid certain calls that Charlie doesn't want to deal with, like his mother (Evelyn) for one. Evelyn gets so frustrated with not being able to talk to Charlie, that she decides to drop in while in the neighborhood. She invites them to dinner, to meet her new boyfriend (Tommy). When the brothers get over to their mothers house, Charlie is shocked to realize that Tommy's daughter is Olivia, one of the people he has been avoiding. Olivia tries to confront Charlie about their situation, but doesn't get the answer she wants, and throws a drink in his face, then storms off. After a week of not being able to contact their mother, Alan gets worried about her. So the brothers decide to go to her house and see if she's okay. They find her sitting in the dark and drinking, and she informs them that Tommy dumped her for a younger women. Later the brothers get Jake to try and cheer her up.

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If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake Nov 4, 2003 Judith gets worried when, for a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of a female surfer friend of Charlie's who is in the habit of walking around his place half naked. Then Alan gets worried about Judith after she becomes friends with the surfer girl.

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Back Off Mary Poppins Sep 21, 2004 Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.

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Enjoy Those Garlic Balls Sep 28, 2004 Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician, and Alan is upset until Charlie points out that if she remarries, his alimony payments will end.

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A Bag Full of Jawea Oct 5, 2004 Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension for giving his teacher (Missi Pyle) the finger by romancing her, but his several attempts fail every time.

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Go Get Mommy's Bra Oct 12, 2004 Jake is very impressed and can't stop talking about his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick, which annoys Alan. While Evelyn borrows Charlie's car to help her impress a Saudi prince, because she wants to sell him real estate. When Charlie gets his car back, he discovers his mother's bra in the backseat. When he finds out why it's there he decides to trade in his car.

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Bad News from the Clinic Oct 19, 2004 Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who's better at playing hard to get than he is.

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The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance Oct 26, 2004 Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.

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A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana Nov 9, 2004 Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party their mother has conned them into throwing for her.