Seinfeld

Mark Seen

The Seinfeld Chronicles Jul 6, 1989 The very first episode. Jerry is ecstatic that a woman he met on the road is coming to stay with him in New York. George and Kramer weigh in on how Jerry should best approach the situation.

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The Stakeout Jun 1, 1990 Jerry meets an attractive woman at a party but by the time she leaves, he has only learned where she works. Jerry stakes out the mystery woman's office with George so that he can "casually" bump into her.

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The Robbery Jun 8, 1990 Jerry is robbed after Kramer fails to close the apartment door. Elaine talks Jerry into looking at a fabulous apartment in the hopes that she can then have Jerry's place. Things are further complicated when George decides he wants the new place too.

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Male Unbonding Jun 15, 1990 Jerry tries to "break-up" with his obnoxious childhood friend but his pathetic weeping leads Jerry to give him another chance. Elaine helps Jerry come up with excuses to avoid him.

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The Stock Tip Jun 22, 1990 After George receives a stock tip, he and Jerry take the financial plunge. Elaine and her allergies battle her boyfriend's cats. Meanwhile, Jerry's weekend getaway with his new girlfriend proves to be a relationship killer.

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The Ex-Girlfriend Jan 24, 1991 George has doubts about his current relationship that he broke off. Elaine is curious about a relationship that she has with a guy in her building that has degenerated over the past two years. Jerry is reluctantly drawn into George's ex-relationship when he picks up some books left at her apartment. Although he wants to break it off with her, she has this "psycho-sexual" hold over him and he becomes worried about what George might think if he lets this relationship develop. Elaine confronts the guy in her building and Jerry's relationship maybe in jeopardy when his girlfriend sees his act.

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The Pony Remark Jan 31, 1991 Jerry's parents come to town for a 50th anniversary party. Jerry bets Kramer that he won't complete his plans to renovate his apartment with levels in a month. Jerry takes Elaine to the dinner and he makes an observation about children who have ponies, this remark offends the guest of honor. When she dies soon afterwards, Jerry wonders if he should go to the funeral or go to his championship softball game. Elaine wonders about the fate of the apartment, when she hears the widower is moving to Arizona. George wonders if it will ever be possible for him to have sex again.

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The Jacket Feb 7, 1991 Jerry buys a real expensive new suede jacket with a colorful inner lining. George has a song from Les Miserables that he just can't get out of his mind. Kramer is supposed pickup a magician friend's doves, and needs someone to help him for two minutes; Elaine takes on the job. Kramer promises she'll get "a lift" to the hotel where Jerry and George are meeting her and her father, Alton Benes, an author cut from Hemingway cloth. Jerry and George suffer while waiting with Elaine's father. When it begins to snow, Jerry turns his new jacket inside out, to protect it, but Alton Benes doesn't want to be seen on the street with him.

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The Phone Message Feb 14, 1991 George blows an invitation upstairs with his latest girlfriend and then when he tries to make restitution he leaves progressively nastier messages on her answering machine. He gets the chance to prevent her from hearing her messages by having Jerry switch the tape out of her machine, while he distracts her. Jerry and his girlfriend have a disagreement about a TV commercial for Dockers, and his telling his friends about their conflict.

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The Apartment Apr 5, 1991 Kramer tries mousse in his hair. Jerry gets Elaine an opportunity to get the apartment right above him, before he realizes the possible implications. George tests the "man with a wedding band" theory of meeting women.

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The Statue Apr 12, 1991 Jerry has a box of stuff his grandfather left him. Inside is an interesting looking statue that could replace one George's parents had years ago, but he broke. George plans to pick the statue up later but in the meantime he tells his parents about the replacement statue. Meanwhile the boyfriend of a bitter Finnish author (whose latest work Elaine is going to edit) is going to clean Jerry's apartment. When Jerry returns to his apartment it is cleaned beyond reason. Later when Jerry and Elaine are at the author's apartment, they see the statue on her mantelpiece. Getting it back may jeopardize Elaine's chance at being an editor, but save George from his parent's wrath.

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The Revenge Apr 19, 1991 George quits his job in a huff after he is demoted to using the regular bathroom. Newman tells Kramer that he plans to jump off the building. Jerry suggests that George just go back into work next Monday morning and pretend like nothing happened; however, that doesn't work. Newman jumps, from the second floor. George plots revenge, and with Elaine's help, tries to slip his boss "a Mickey." Jerry suspects that his launderer is a larcenist after he discovers that $1500 he had stashed in his laundry bag is missing. Kramer helps Jerry get revenge by bringing a bag of concrete in to put into one of the wash machines.

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The Note Sep 19, 1991 Physical therapy proves painful for Jerry when his small talk with his therapist leads to a misunderstanding. Jerry uses his dentist friend, Roy, to write a note so that insurance will cover therapy for George and Elaine. Then, George's paranoia about men comes into play when he gets a massage from a man and later says "I think it moved." Kramer thinks he has seen DiMaggio in Dinky Donuts. The notes may cause Roy to lose his license in an insurance fraud investigation.

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The Truth Sep 26, 1991 George's relationship with a former IRS worker may ease Jerry's tax audit worries- until she becomes his former girlfriend. She wants to know why, so he tells her the truth, this was after he gave her Jerry's tax records. Elaine sees far too much of Kramer, he's dating her roommate; in return he saw far too much of her, in fact all of her. George tries to get Jerry's tax records back, but he finds she gone into a depression clinic.

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The Pen Oct 3, 1991 Elaine regrets accompanying Jerry on a trip to Florida to visit his parents. There are temperature control problems in the condo, a back breaking sofa bed, a slight overdose of muscle relaxants and the disposition of a pen that writes upside down.

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The Dog Oct 10, 1991 Jerry is watching an unruly dog, for a fellow airline passenger who's sick in a hospital somewhere in Chicago. Jerry, can't leave his apartment, that leaves George and Elaine alone together. They find they have little to say to each other without their conversational third, Jerry; so they talk about him. Kramer tries breaking up with his girlfriend. Jerry can't locate the dogs owner, who was released from the hospital, some time ago.

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The Library Oct 17, 1991 The library asks Jerry about a book he checked out in 1971 and never returned, so Jerry looks up an old girlfriend for his defense against a library cop. George thinks the homeless man he'd seen outside the library is a former high school gym teacher that he got fired. Kramer has his eye on a librarian. Elaine worries about her career when her boss hates the recommendations she made.

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The Parking Garage Oct 31, 1991 Everyone separates to try to find the car in a huge parking garage. Jerry needs to use the bathroom so he finds a place to go and gets busted. Elaine tries to get help from people passing by. George joins Jerry in getting busted. Kramer is wearing "the jacket," and forgets where he put down the air conditioner he was carrying and causes George to be really late for his parent's 47th anniversary.

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The Cafe Nov 7, 1991 Jerry tries helping the owner of a small restaurant attract customers by giving him a suggestion. George must take an IQ test for his latest girlfriend, so Elaine helps him in "a caper" where she takes the test for him. Kramer tries to keep his mother's ex-boyfriend's jacket, because it helps him meet women; however the ex-boyfriend comes looking for it.

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The Trip (Part 1) Aug 13, 1992 With Elaine in Europe, Jerry asks George to accompany him on a trip to LA and The Tonight Show; while there they will try to locate Kramer. While auditioning, Kramer must deal with the advances of an older female landlord (an actress who hasn't worked since 1934) and get someone in Hollywood to read his script treatment. A body is discovered; the victim, a young woman, was strangled. Kramer meets a woman at an audition and he gives her a copy of his script. Jerry loses the correct phrasing for some new jokes and George tries to get Lupe, the chambermaid, to make his bed just right. At The Tonight Show, George disturbs the guests and Jerry bombs. The woman Kramer gave the script to is strangled and his script is found in her possession. Kramer's face is shown on the news as the prime suspect for the "Smog Strangler," a serial-killer.

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The Trip (Part 2) Aug 20, 1992 Jerry and George try to contact the police to tell them Kramer is innocent. Kramer still doesn't know he's wanted. Jerry and George get a ride in a police car and while en route the officers pick up a possible 519. The 519 suspect is put in the back of the car with George and Jerry and they ask him tipping advice. Then all units are called in on Kramer's building, Jerry and George leave the police car door open and the 519 suspect escapes. While Kramer is in for questioning, another victim is found. He is let go and Jerry and George want to know what he is going to do, he is going to stay in LA. Jerry and George are back in New York and Kramer turns up like nothings changed.

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The Pitch Sep 17, 1992 NBC executives ask Jerry to come up with an idea for a TV series. George decides he can be a sitcom writer and comes up with "nothing." Kramer trades a radar detector for a helmet, later Newman gets a speeding ticket. While waiting to meet the NBC executives, George and Jerry meet Joe Davola, a writer and "a total nut" who goes to the same shrink as Elaine. Jerry searching for conversation, mentions Kramer's party, whereto Joe wasn't invited. While discussing the disaster of the meeting with NBC, George focuses on starting a relationship with the female NBC executive. Kramer shows his approval by throwing up on her. The helmet saves Kramer from an attack by "Crazy" Joe Davola. While all this is going on Elaine is in Europe with her shrink.

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The Ticket Sep 17, 1992 Kramer suffers side effects from his head injury. NBC gives Jerry and George another meeting and on the way, Jerry throws out a watch his parents gave him. He then meets his Uncle Leo, who picks the watch out of the garbage. Kramer agrees to be an alibi for Newman's trial on a speeding ticket. George and Jerry meet with NBC executives and they give the go ahead for a pilot. Later they hide in the coffee shop, afraid of an attack from "Crazy" Joe. Elaine's shrink realizes that he didn't leave an extra prescription for Joe Davola, for the time while he's on vacation.

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The Wallet Sep 24, 1992 Jerry's parents come to town to see a back specialist, they hear about "Crazy" Joe not liking Jerry and ask about the watch they gave him. George "negotiates" the deal with the NBC and gets a box of cigars from Susan's father. While at the doctor's office Morty's wallet is "stolen." Elaine returns from her trip and tries to end her relationship with her shrink. The deal with NBC is lost.

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The Watch Oct 1, 1992 Jerry has dinner with his parents and Uncle Leo. Women, who's paying and the watch are all discussed. Elaine uses Kramer as "her boyfriend" in trying to fool her shrink. George gets Russell's address and tries to get the pilot reinstated. Jerry tries to buy back the watch. Outside her shrink's office, Elaine meets "Crazy" Joe, whom she begins to date.

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The Bubble Boy Oct 8, 1992 Jerry's girlfriend, Naomi has a laugh that sounds like "Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer," and when she hears George's message to Jerry, she breaks up with him. So instead, Jerry asks Elaine to accompany him on a trip to a cabin in the mountain with George and Susan. Kramer isn't invited. Jerry agrees to a side trip to visit a sick fan, a "Bubble Boy." George gets into a fight with the "Bubble Boy" over the correct answer to a Trivial Pursuit question. Kramer and Naomi also make the trip to the cabin and get the fire started.

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The Mango Sep 17, 1993 George tells Jerry about his lack of confidence below "the equator." Jerry begs Elaine for another chance when he finds out she faked her orgasms. Kramer gets banned from his favorite fruit shop.

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The Puffy Shirt Sep 24, 1993 George is forced to move in with his parents. He gets a job as a hand model and becomes obsessed with keeping his hands safe. Kramer's girlfriend, who designs clothes and talks with a real low voice, asks Jerry a question that he politely answers yes to. He agrees to wear one of her new puffy pirate shirts on a Today Show appearance he is making.

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The Glasses Oct 1, 1993 George's glasses are stolen and he needs a new pair, so he goes to see Kramer's friend to get a thirty percent discount; all Elaine gets is bitten by a dog and then she becomes afraid of them. While not wearing his glasses, George thinks he sees Jerry's girlfriend kissing Jerry's cousin and Jerry tries to figure out if it's true.

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The Sniffing Accountant Oct 8, 1993 George's father gets him an interview as a bra salesman. Evidence points to Jerry's accountant being a drug user. So Jerry, Kramer and Newman set out to find out the truth. Elaine's new boyfriend is perfect except for his use of an exclamation point.

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The Bris Oct 15, 1993 George gets a great parking spot that becomes a target. Kramer thinks that he has stumbled on the product of a genetic engineering experiment, a "pig man." Elaine and Jerry are nervous about the religious duties they must do when they agree to become godparents to a couple's newborn, including getting the Mohel and holding the baby for the circumcision.

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The Lip Reader Oct 29, 1993 Jerry is smitten with a line judge at the US Open, but after he gets her attention, he finds out she is deaf. Elaine has a problem not communicating with a limo driver. George wants to use Jerry's girlfriend to read the lips of his ex-girlfriend to find out what she is saying about him. While she is reading the lips, Kramer does the translation, that gets George in more trouble. Kramer becomes a ball man at the Open, when Monica Seles returns to tennis.

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The Non-Fat Yogurt Nov 5, 1993 When they begin to gain weight, Jerry and Elaine suspect that Kramer has made a bad investment in a non-fat yogurt shop. Jerry inadvertently uses the "F" word, as a result so does Meredith's son Matthew, a lot. George meets an old childhood friend whom he is convinced is trying to humiliate him. Elaine begins dating this friend and gives him an idea for his mayoral candidate's campaign. Kramer's date with a lab technician results in strange test results for the future mayor of New York City.

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The Chaperone Sep 23, 1994 Jerry gets a date with Miss Rhode Island, a Miss America contestant; when they need a chaperone Kramer is available. On the date, Kramer gives her advice and becomes her personal coach. Elaine tries to get a job at Doubleday, filling in the shoes once filled by Jackie Onassis; instead she gets a job being the personal assistant of a top executive who likes white socks. Meanwhile, George decides that the Yankees need to change their uniforms from polyester to cotton.

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The Big Salad Sep 30, 1994 Elaine's boss wants a special mechanical pencil, so Elaine tries to get one from a stationary store where the clerk has a thing for her. George and his girlfriend pick up a "big salad" for Elaine, that his girlfriend gives to Elaine and she thanks her. Later, George points out that he bought the "big salad." Jerry discovers that his current girlfriend once dated Newman, who broke off his relationship with her. Kramer plays golf with an ex-ball player who breaks a rule of golf, they have a fight, and later the ball player is wanted for questioning in the murder of a dry cleaner, where a golf tee was involved. Kramer later helps him evade the police in a white Ford Bronco.

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The Pledge Drive Oct 7, 1994 Jerry comments that a friend was hitting on him and Elaine tries to find out if what was true, but gets the voice of the woman and her current boyfriend confused. Elaine's boss eats his Snickers bar with a knife and fork and idea that soon catches on. George thinks a waitress gave him the finger. Jerry gets caught throwing away a thank you card. Jerry cashes some old birthday checks from his grandmother. Jerry's working a PBS pledge drive and gets George to bring a Yankee to appear with him, while en-route to the studio, someone gives George the finger.

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The Chinese Woman Oct 14, 1994 Jerry and Elaine see George's father with a man with a cape but don't say hello. Jerry discovers a Chinese woman on George's phone line after the wires get crossed and he gets a date with her. Kramer gets worried about his sperm count, so he goes to a fertility clinic and then makes a change in his choice of undergarments. Elaine ruins her friend Noreen's latest romance with a long talker. The Chinese woman turns out to be Jewish and from Long Island. Estelle gets advice about her relationship with Frank from the Chinese woman, but discounts it when she meets her. George's life is made miserable when his parent's separate.

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The Couch Oct 28, 1994 Elaine begins to date the guy who delivers Jerry's new couch. Kramer plans to start the pizza business he thought of back in "Male Unbonding" with Poppie. George joins a book club, but tries to rent the movie so he can bluff his way through the meeting. Jerry and Elaine's discussion of the abortion issue causes trouble for Poppie, Elaine's relationship & Jerry's new couch. George spends the evening with the family that has rented the film.

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The Gymnast Nov 4, 1994 George and Kramer convince Jerry he'll be missing out on something if he stops dating a Romanian Olympic gymnast. Jerry and Kramer find out about one of George's bathroom habits. Kramer must pass a kidney stone. The mother of George's girlfriend sees him eat something out of a trash bin, later cleaning a windshield & one of his bathroom habits. Elaine's boss becomes obsessed with finding the image in a 3-D painting, so he sends her to represent him in a huge merger deal.

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The Soup Nov 11, 1994 Elaine brings over a man she met in England and he turns out to be a real bounder. Jerry accepts an Armani suit from an obnoxious comedian, the only condition, he must treat him to a meal at a restaurant; however, what makes up a meal. George goes for a walk with a waitress from Monk's and manure in the path sums up his relationship with her. After his kidney stone, Kramer decides to eat only fresh foods.

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The Engagement Sep 22, 1995 Jerry and George reevaluate their relationships with women, so they make "a pact" to change their ways, though Jerry doesn't know it. Elaine has a problem sleeping in her new apartment because of a nearby constantly barking dog; Kramer recommends a solution. George gets back with Susan, his former girlfriend from NBC; he asks her to marry him, and after a couple hours of convincing she says yes. Kramer, his solution (Newman) and Elaine commit a dognapping and take the dog far out of the city. Jerry breaks up with his girlfriend again; however, George is now trapped in his relationship with Susan, almost to the point where he is married already. Elaine almost gets a good night of sleep.

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The Postponement Sep 29, 1995 Elaine's dog problem is solved by a neighborly rabbi with a cable show. Kramer's involvement in the dognapping worries him when he finds out about its impact on his permanent record. Overwhelmed with it all, George decides he wants to postpone the engagement. Elaine isn't "concerned" with George's intentions, but is really jealous that he's the first of the group to get engaged. The neighborly rabbi offers advice on her problem, that he later relates to Jerry and anyone else who'll listen. Kramer and Jerry try to see "Plan 9 From Outer Space"; however, Kramer "tries" to sneak in a gourmet coffee, spills it and his lawyer says he has a case.

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The Maestro Oct 6, 1995 George is feeling the pressures of his relationship with Susan and decides that he needs to help a security guard that works at her uncle's store. Kramer's friend "Maestro," makes a comment about getting a rental property in Tuscany that makes Jerry decide to do some research. Elaine begins dating the "Maestro." Kramer's out of court settlement in his lawsuit against the coffee house, free coffee at any location around the world, gets him "hopped up on the caffeine." Jerry asks Poppy about Tuscany and is referred to Poppy's cousin, who makes him an offer he can't refuse.

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The Wink Oct 13, 1995 Elaine gets a blind date with the guy from her wake-up service; however, he likes dogs. A bit of grapefruit pulp, from Jerry's healthy breakfast, gets into George's eye and causes problems for him when his winks keep getting misinterpreted. Jerry's healthy diet conflicts with his dating of Elaine's cousin. Kramer promises a sick boy that Yankee Paul O'Neill will hit two home runs for him, so he can get back a birthday card that he sold based on George's wink.

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The Hot Tub Oct 20, 1995 George picks up a bad habit from some visiting baseball officials. During the time of the New York City Marathon, Elaine has an out of country runner as her house guest. The runner had overslept and missed the big race at the last Olympics and Jerry obsesses with ensuring that it doesn't happen again. Kramer gets a hot tub from his friend Lomez and Elaine has writer's block.

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The Soup Nazi Nov 3, 1995 While on their way to the "soup place" Elaine finds an antique armoire she wants. George makes a mistake while trying to get his soup from the "Soup Nazi." Elaine isn't allowed to move her armoire into her building, so Kramer offers to watch it for her, out on the street. George and Elaine discuss how annoyed they are by Jerry's sweet-talking with his current girlfriend, especially their calling each other "Schmoopie." Elaine makes an ordering error in front of the "Soup Nazi," gets on his bad side and is banned for a year. In broad daylight and in Kramer's presence, two "tough" guys come along and take Elaine's armoire. Kramer relates the story of the armoire to the "Soup Nazi," who says he has an armoire in the basement that Kramer can have. Jerry's girlfriend makes a faux pas in the "soup place" and Jerry disavows any knowledge of her. George confronts Jerry and reminds him about their pact. George and Susan see Jerry and his girlfriend at the diner and they begin to compete against each other. Susan appreciates that George is finally showing his feelings in public. Kramer gives Elaine the armoire and tells her where he got it. Elaine goes to thank the "Soup Nazi" but gets even further on his bad side. Jerry discovers the armoire contains the "Soup Nazi"'s recipes and Elaine takes them for her final confrontation with the "Soup Nazi."

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The Secret Code Nov 10, 1995 George tries to keep his ATM code a secret from Susan. Elaine is puzzled by a man she once met at a party and talked to for ten minutes, doesn't remember her, but he does remember other party details. Leapin' Larry, a one-legged man, wants Jerry to do spots for his store, but he is angered when he thinks Jerry is doing an impression of him. Kramer gets an emergency band scanner and decides to help reorganize operations at the NYFD. Elaine doesn't want to go on a date with her boss, the storyteller, so she leaves Jerry and George at the restaurant. Jerry escapes, but George isn't as lucky. He is forced to accompany Peterman to his Momma's house, where he winds up staying all night and tells her his secret code before she dies. That is her last word. George's code is needed in a life or death situation.

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The Foundation Sep 20, 1996 Months after her death, George is ready to move on, but Susan's parents want to keep her memory alive. Kramer becomes a karate master, where his opponents are equals in his skill level, but are lacking in size. Jerry runs into Dolores, you remember "her name rhymed with a female body part" in "The Junior Mint," she suggests that they get together again. Peterman has a breakdown and goes to Burma leaving Elaine in charge; a position she is reluctant to assume. Kramer makes a speech that inspires Elaine to go and take charge of J. Peterman. Inspired by a comment that Jerry made, a foundation is established in Susan's name, which will take up all of George's free time. Jerry and Dolores do get together; however, when she hears why Jerry's engagement was broken off, she leaves commenting that he still hasn't matured. Elaine sees Kramer's opponents, vents her frustration and takes him down in front of the class. Jerry decides to research breakups and the effect on future relationships. Kramer's classmates meet him after class. George discovers everything he lost when he lost Susan.

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The Soul Mate Sep 27, 1996 George thinks the foundation lawyer thinks he might have killed Susan, Jerry suggests using a method employed by Jerry Lewis to find out. Kramer falls for Jerry's girlfriend and he consults Newman for advice. Elaine's friends insist that she have a baby, she'd rather not and meets a man who shares her ideals. George leaves a running tape recorder in his brief case at the next board meeting and leaves the room. He returns to find the briefcase damaged and the tape stopped. Newman gets in the middle of Jerry and Kramer's relationship with Pam; he bribes Jerry in hopes to find out more about his obsession, Elaine. Meanwhile, her new boyfriend gets a vasectomy to show her how committed he is to not having children. The guys find out Pam isn't interested in having children and they line up for their own vasectomies. George gets to the bottom of what happened to his briefcase.

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The Bizarro Jerry Oct 4, 1996 Kramer uses a bathroom in an office building and just begins working there. He is "TCB." Elaine sets Jerry up with a friend who is very beautiful, but she has "man hands." George uses a picture of her and passes her off as his dead finance Susan; that gets him into the "Forbidden City" where high priced models hang out. Elaine meets Kevin and some of his friends; they are the exact opposite of Jerry, George and Kramer. With Kramer working, George inside the walls and Elaine hanging out with Kevin, Jerry begins to feel alone.

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The Little Kicks Oct 11, 1996 Elaine reluctantly lets George attend a party she is throwing at work. "Sweet fancy Moses" exclaims George when he sees Elaine dance at a party she's holding for her employees. She wonders why they've lost respect for her. Jerry gets 2 tickets to a premiere of a film. Kramer asks him to get an extra ticket for his friend Brody. Elaine thinks the loss of respect might be due to George's influence, so she makes him off limits to Anna, one of the women George talked to at the party. That "bad boy" image makes him all the more desirable. Jerry and Kramer attend the film with Brody, who begins to make a bootleg tape. Brody gets sick and has Kramer take him home, leaving Jerry to finish making the tape. Jerry worries about the implications when Brody likes him camera work and asks him to do another film. However, he complains about the quality of Kramer's work. Elaine finds out the truth about her dancing after she tapes herself. Elaine apologizes to Anna and George, which suddenly makes him undesirable. Brody won't meet Jerry's demands for equipment; George takes on the challenge, but gets arrested. Frank comes to bail him out and Elaine lets him know the truth about his son. Elaine's dance becomes a big hit on the streets of New York.

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The Package Oct 18, 1996 Elaine has a rash and looks for a doctor who will treat her; despite her doctor -- patient relationship reputation. Kramer offers Jerry a method to get a refund on his stereo that is two years out of warranty. George discovers the woman at the photo store is looking at his pictures. Jerry refuses delivery of a package with no return address. George thinks that the photo store clerk has stuck a revealing picture of herself in with his pictures. Kramer convinces George to return the compliment and offers to take the photos. Uncle Leo signs for Jerry's package. Elaine tries to lift her medical records. Jerry lets Uncle Leo open the package and there is the sound of an explosion. Leo's stove has exploded but eventually Jerry gets the package and opens it up. It contains his stereo in pieces. Kramer sent the package to him insured; now all they must do is collect the insurance money from the post office. Elaine poses as Uncle Leo's nurse to try a diagnosis for her condition. When that doesn't work she tries to get Kramer to lift her records. Newman grills Jerry on suspicion of mail fraud. George drops off his film at the photo store and gets a surprising result.

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The Fatigues Nov 1, 1996 Jerry is intrigued by the concept of his girlfriend having a mentor. George prepares to give a lecture on risk management by reading a book, but realizes that books on tape have spoiled him. Elaine prepares to fire an employee, but when face to face with him, she promotes him. Kramer runs a Jewish singles night at Frank's Knights of Columbus hall. Jerry meets his girlfriend's mentor, but she is dating Kenny Bania. George discovers the blind can get any book on tape, so he plans to fail an eye test. Elaine's recently promoted employee has some startling new ideas. She plans to promote him again. Kramer's party plans go awry when he has to cook for over 150 plus people. He needs to get Frank's advice on cooking for the masses, despite George's warning. Elaine's promotional plan backfires, when the rest of her staff quits. Jerry's girlfriend sees Bania's act and loses respect for her mentor. Elaine tries working with her employee. George figures out an angle to get his book read. Jerry finds himself becoming Bania's mentor. Jerry and his now ex-girlfriend get their files mixed up; George speaks on Ovaltine and Bania on risk management. Frank's cooking skills are reborn, until he sees someone choking.

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The Checks Nov 8, 1996 Elaine's new boyfriend, Brett, is obsessed with designer furniture and the song "Desperado." Jerry spots an umbrella salesman using the sales technique he invented. The salesman says it was someone else. Hundreds of twelve-cent royalty checks keep arriving from Jerry's brief appearance on a Japanese television. Kramer warns George that the carpet cleaners he hired are actually a front for a religious cult. Intrigued, George tries to be converted, but they're not interested. Kramer meets some Japanese businessman and he takes them on the town and to the cleaners. He is a little confused about the exchange rate. Brett delivers a large chest of drawers to Kramer and thinks that Jerry might be jealous. Kramer thinks the TV pilot that Jerry and George did would be perfect for Japanese television. They pitch it to a couple of Japanese TV executives. Elaine tries to find a song that she and Brett can share. Kramer puts his Japanese friends up at his place. They're sleeping in the chest of drawers. Jerry caught in the rain meets the man in the street that claims credit for the twirl. He also meets Brett who is convinced Jerry is down on his luck. George gets the cleaners to do the offices at Yankee Stadium where they find a new recruit. Because of the humidity from the hot tub, Kramer's guests get stuck in the chest. Jerry, with writer's cramp from check signing, uses a fire ax to open the chest. That scares the Japanese guests and injures Brett who passes out.

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The Butter Shave Sep 26, 1997 Not fully recovered from "The Summer of George," George is using a cane to get around. Jerry might have another shot at NBC, through an appearance on a NBC Showcase that might lead to another pilot. He is also annoyed that lame comic Kenny Bania's act is working, only because he is following on Jerry's coattails, a time-slot hit. Bania scores with big laughs and also gets one of Jerry's ex-girlfriends. George gets a job interview. Elaine is on vacation for a month in Europe with David Puddy. If he's lucky he won't "come back in a body bag." Kramer finds butter is a better protection for his skin after shaving. George is hired for the job because of his use of the cane. They think he is handicapped and of course he takes full advantage of the situation. Kramer's skin feels so good with butter; he takes to spreading it all over his body. Unfortunately he lies out in the sun where he begins to cook. It's a long flight back for Elaine and Puddy, who break up and get back together, only to break up again. Newman, reading the cannibalism themed story Alive!, finds the smell of a cooked Kramer appealing. Jerry is informed that Bania is going to follow him on the NBC showcase. George sprains his good leg and Jerry discovers that George is a closet Bania fan. Kramer tries to keep his skin moist but the baked in smell of cooked meat is too much for Newman. George manages to keep up his bluff until he tries to take on some old-timers. Jerry plans to sabotage his own act, surmising that Kenny's act will also bomb, but Kenny gets the last laugh.

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The Voice Oct 3, 1997 George's employer wants to get rid of him, since they now know he isn't really handicapped and they don't like him. He has a one-year contract with Play Now that he will make sure they honor by him showing up for work every day. Jerry and George mock the sounds the Jerry's girlfriend Claire's stomach makes during the night. Jerry envisions the belly button as the mouth and the sound the stomach makes its voice. Because of the "bump into" Jerry tells Elaine that she is destined to backslide into her relationship with David Puddy, she bets him $50 that she won't. The next day Jerry discovers that Elaine didn't go home last night, he accuses her of seeing Puddy. She says the sex they had was an isolated incident. Jerry agrees but the dinner they also had was more of a commitment, he demands that she pay up. Kramer is tired of seeing all his ideas implemented, because all the little day to day incidental things keeps getting in his way and keeping him realizing his ideas. He gets an intern from NYU to help him out with Kramerica Industries; the corporation he had previously setup to develop some of his ideas. With this help he'll be freed from the day-to-day activities and be able to develop his ideas, such as the oil tanker bladder. Meanwhile, George is fighting the siege mentality that he is encountering at work and Elaine just can't get Puddy off her mind. No matter what the obstacle, George endeavors to occupy his office. Jerry tells Claire about the voice and she leaves him. The university takes Kramer's intern away from him. Claire says they can get back together if he won't do the voice ever again, he decides the voice is worth it. Unfortunately, everyone is tired off the voice. Elaine pays ups and they decided on a double or nothing bet. The intern comes back on his own because he believes in Kramerica. Play Now tries to negotiate with George, but he won't give in. Later, he offers his office and one of their rubber balls to allow Kramer to test his oil bladder idea. Jerry continues to cash in on his bet with Elaine, who just can't seem to keep away from Puddy. The big test takes place at George's workplace where Jerry plans to meet Claire. They try to warn her about the falling object, but all she hears is the voice. The lawsuit that is filed by Claire puts Play Now out of business and George out of his contract.

Mark Seen

Seen All To Here

The Serenity Now Oct 10, 1997 Frank is supposed to say "serenity now" every time his blood pressure is in danger of going up. Jerry's girlfriend gives his Knicks tickets away. She comments that she has never seen him get "real mad." George gets Kramer to help him fix his parents' screen door. They remove the old door and Kramer takes it with him. Frank is selling computers; he wants to bring George into his business. Lippman's boy tries taking advantage of becoming a man at his bar mitzvah by using his tongue while kissing Elaine. Kramer installs the screen door outside his apartment to give his apartment "the cool even breezes of Anytown, USA." His initial instinct is to quit, but George decides it is finally time to take on his arch-nemesis, Lloyd Braun, whom Frank has also hired to sell computers. When Jerry learns how to get mad, it releases all his other feelings, including caring and another that results in a proposal. Kramer fights with the neighborhood kids of "Anytown, USA." George tells Elaine she is attractive to the Lippman men because of her "shiksappeal." The result gets her two Lippman "men" who want to denounce their religion. George hatches a scheme to sell more computers; however, continual use of the phrase "serenity now" has an "impact" on computer sales. The release of emotions from George has an impact on emotional Jerry. Elaine seeks help from a "rabbi" to see if she can reduce her "shiksappeal."

Mark Seen

Seen All To Here

The Blood Oct 17, 1997 Jerry has an encounter with an Exacto knife and ends up having an infusion of 3 pints of Kramer's blood infused into him because Kramer decided to store his blood. Jerry's parents buy him sessions with personal trainer, Izzy, who's going to help him work off his spare tire because they are concerned with his lack of exercise. George decides that adding television and food to his equation will make sex even better. Elaine visits her friend Vivian and is disappointed when Vivian implies that she isn't responsible enough to watch her son Jimmy, so she works overtime to prove how responsible she is.

Mark Seen

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The Junk Mail Oct 31, 1997 Jerry's childhood friend "Fragile" Frankie promises to get Jerry a new car because of a show he did for Frankie's car dealership. George prepares for his weekly call to his parents. Kramer plans his revenge on a company because of the over abundance of catalogs they've sent him in the past month. Elaine is back with Puddy, but meets the man of her dreams at the diner and plans to keep Puddy in reserve until she finds out if the new guy can "handle the workload." Kramer gets deluged with more catalogs and plans to stop the mail. George's parents cut him short on his weekly phone call. Jerry gets a van and not the Saab he'd hoped for. Frankie reminds him of the childhood dream they had where they got a van a toured the country. George pops in on his parents and reminds his parent's they didn't call him back, but they have to leave right away. Kramer bricks up his mailbox, but that doesn't stop his mail from being delivered. Jerry plans to sell the van; Kramer helps him out with the ad copy that cites interesting trades considered. Kramer goes to the post office to permanently cancel his mail. Newman confesses to him that no one really needs their mail but that there is a greater conspiracy at work. George demands to know what's going on with his parents; they tell him they are cutting him loose. George isn't ready for abandonment; he plans to date his cousin as a means of getting his parents involved in his life. Jerry determines that the appeal Elaine finds in her new boyfriend comes from some old commercial that he appeared in. Kramer wants Jerry's van and offers Anthony Quinn's old tee shirt as an interesting trade. Elaine wants Puddy back, but is rejected by him. Kramer uses the van to launch his anti-postal campaign. George's cousin is into their relationship; however, George schemes to have his parents catch him making out with her. Kramer is captured and enlightened by the postmaster general. Elaine's boyfriend gets his second piece of good news in one day, his TV career has been revitalized and she is taking him back. Jerry must sell the van after seeing what they saw.

Mark Seen

Seen All To Here

The Merv Griffin Show Nov 7, 1997 After Kramer finds the set of the old Merv Griffin Show in a dumpster, he begins to treat his entire life like a talk show. Jerry's new girlfriend has a priceless toy collection that she won't let him play with, which leads him to some questionable behavior. George runs over a squirrel with his car, and he's forced to spend time and money on its recovery. Elaine has to find a way to deal with a new co-worker, whose 'sidling' is both annoying and potentially dangerous to her job.

Mark Seen

Seen All To Here

The Slicer Nov 14, 1997 Elaine is having nightmares and sleepless nights due to her neighbor's inconsideracy. The neighbor is out of the country and has left her alarm clock set for 3:30 a.m.. George gets a dream job at a very badly run company, his new boss seems familiar to him, then a photo in the boss's office reminds him of "the boom box incident." Fearing that he might lose his new position, George listens to Kramer's advice and plots to get hold of the photograph and get it retouched. Kramer's dissatisfied with the meat he is getting with his sandwiches, so he obtains a meat slicer. Kramer suggests Elaine that she short circuit her neighbor's apartment and blow the circuit breaker. Jerry is going to go out on a date with a doctor that Elaine recommended, but the date is annoying when the doctor can only talk about saving lives. The photo lab screws up the retouching by eliminating the boss from the photograph and not George. Jerry discovers the doctor is dermatologist. George recommends a carefully orchestrated revenge date. Kramer uses the meat slicer to help Elaine feed the neighbor's cat; the power outage shut off the automatic feeder. Jerry's revenge date goes well, until he is reminded of the phrase "skin cancer." Elaine is still using the slicer and finds it very handy, until she tries to even her high heels. George goes back to the photo shop to find they put the boss back in the photograph as a cartoon. He now needs to obtain a new bare-chested photo of his boss or find a new job, perhaps the Coast Guard. Jerry's doctor date would provide the perfect opportunity for him as she does skin cancer screenings. Elaine keeps the slicer problem from Kramer by threatening him with seeing some circus clowns. Later, Kramer goes to her apartment to pick up the slicer; she fixes it and quickly shoves it out the door. Kramer sees the dinged up blade and tries to get back into her apartment, but he takes the knob of the door. Jerry has developed an allergic reaction to something as hives have broken out on his neck. Elaine discovers she is trapped inside her apartment. Jerry goes down to George's workplace and confronts the doctor about his hives. She leaves and Kramer, in his white meat slicing coat, steps in as the skin cancer doctor and spots a growth on George's boss. George gets his bare-chested photo. Kramer wants to come clean about the growth; George tells him he will tell his boss to see another doctor. George's boss doesn't think it is a problem, a ten-year-old photo of him shows the mole, it hasn't changed. He also relates to George the story about the dumb guy on the beach with the boom box. He mentions to George (as others have) that he sure has lost a lot of hair in the past ten years. Despite all of that, he gets to keep the job. Later, the guys keep Elaine company as they wait for the locksmith to come and open her apartment.